Hey, Pat Robertson, why not double your pleasure and dump the Seven Hundred Club for Ben Boxer's Fourteen Hundred Club? Yep, the four Matureman lists and Jim Bouin's Dad/Son list topped out this week at 1,400 subscribers, and the sky's the limit.

Now, Pat baby, we don't mean to muscle in on your turf...er...your celestial territory, but Somebody Up There likes US, too, or He/She/It would surely not have hurricaned on your headquarters at Virginia Beach. Too bad about Virginia Beach. It was a damned (oops, blessedly) nice town forty-odd years ago when I went down there from Alexandria on a high school beach trip. Maybe this divine dispensation will make the City Fathers understand that harboring heterosexual haters is a whole lot worse than treating homosexual lovers as Americans equal under the law and under what you call "God."

And how about Hurricane Georges bypassing Orlando this week? Too bad it wreaked havoc elsewhere among the good people of the Gulf Coast. Hey, Pat, how about sharing the stats with us on the number of folks in the devastated areas who regularly watch the 700 Club and groove on your distortions of the news (be it Gospel or the news of the day)? You reckon the red necks are blaming us or YOU?

Stick around, Pat. The antics of you and your gang (the thousands who gave you a standing ovation at the Christian Coalition Road to Victory Conference) only increase sympathy and voting power on the side of right - and I mean the righteous, not the Right. It won't be long until they will speak of your adherents as the "Christian Demolition" for the hurricanes of hatred your shenanigans will increasingly visit upon the unsuspecting souls of decent Americans misguided into trusting you as a man of God. Hatred always turns upon the perpetrator.

Give me the fourteen hundred righteous men in Our Gang at the Clubhouse, all of whom stand for love, and not a single one of the seven hundred, or seventy million, self-righteous who dare to call evil good under a banner reading, "www.godhatesfag.com."