There has been a thread running on the Matureman2 E-mail List (to subscribe, visit the Lists Page at the Clubhouse by clicking on the handshake in the Main Lobby) to which people are responding in deeply thoughtful ways. I have been reluctant to contribute, choosing to enjoy what others have to say as I have so much to say about everything in my postings and writings that it has given me "peace of mind" to sit back and watch others do the work. Then, this morning, a posting came in from a newbie whose words struck a chord deep within me that rang: "Herein lies YOUR peace of mind, Boxer man!" And so it does. And so, therefore, I speak.
I burst into tears when I read the following words: "About 3 months ago I lost the most wonderful man I have ever met, when my daddybear died very suddenly."
This loving "son," bereft of his beloved "dad," has been forced on to a path which must be trod by all the men of the Silverfoxes Syndrome, not alone those youngers who love olders, but also those olders who love silverfoxes, as well. Accidental death is a random possibility in our syndrome, but death by attrition is the universal probability, i.e. it is more likely that the dad will die before the son.
All who fall in love and conjoin their life with the life of an older man take on the burden of this probability, yet despite its near certainty, men of the Silverfoxes Syndrome follow their hearts no matter what the world, straight or gay, may think or say, and do it anyway. This is our way. This is us.
I wrote the following in a Ben Boxer Perspectives column in "Boxer's Shorts" at the Clubhouse early this year (1998): "A young man looking at life sees it from the perspective of someone
for whom time has relatively little meaning. Decades stretch before him
in which to establish himself in a career or a relationship or a financial
position. Daily routines may be pressing, but in the long run, that is
just what life is: a long run ahead to attain whatever goals he may have
in mind. However, an older man is faced with a vastly shorter run, less toward goals which
he may have abandoned long since than smack into the brick wall of the
hard reality of the time he has left. The younger man should be aware of
this difference in perspectives when he agrees to become the partner of
a Silverfox, remembering that their time together embodies not only all
the older man's yesterdays, but his own tomorrows as well, leaving them
with but one magic time to share: the now of each new day." This is likewise true of two older men sharing the latter part of life together.
The newbie's posting which came into Maturemen2 this morning continued: "I am now having to learn how to live without him. But I will go on and make it thru this. I think that the creator knows when it is time to move on, and that is what this is all about for me now learning how to get on with my life."
Despite his grief, he is determined to plod on. The operative phrase there is "to get on with my life."
He will make it. He has been led to Ben Boxer's Clubhouse and to one or more e-mail lists where he will find a new dad, and there will be love.
Herein lies my peace of mind: that the few megabytes of space in my Internet domain, www.maturemen,org, comprise a web wide enough and strong enough and appealing enough to attract and hold hungry hearts from all over the world and help them find the wonderful, fulfilling love that enables them to get on with their lives as dads, as sons, as lovers, as friends. For greater peace of mind, I could not wish. Merry Christmas to me, and Merry Christmas, Happy Hanukkah, Blessed Ramadan, and all others, also unto thee!
