I received an e-mail the other day that both saddened and brightened my day. It was from a married man too frightened to sign the Guestbook here at Ben Boxer's Silverfoxes Clubhouse.

Frightened? Yes, he said that he was afraid of someone finding out that he enjoys looking at older men. He didn't want to do anything that might interfere with that.

He said that he loves his wife, but there is a part of him that really enjoys older men. Sadly, he feels sure that he will never have an experience with an older man so he has resigned himself "to just fantasize." He speaks of it as "terribly confusing...maddening at times!"

Then, he brightened and told me he did not remember how he found the Silverfoxes Clubhouse, but he was glad he had. He said that he sneaks into the Clubhouse "all the time...a guilty pleasure for sure, VERY guilty!"

He concluded by saying that he just wanted to express some gratitude for the pleasure this site provides him.

Confusing. Maddening. No recourse but fantasy. I guess it's like being trapped in the shade on a cold, bright day and darting out into sunlight every chance you get just to warm your bones, or, in this case, your boner, with the thought of loving a sweet old man and him loving you.

The guy loves his wife, yes, but he has another need, too, that is all too familiar to men in his position.

A young friend of mine, a very young friend, had a girlfriend he loved dearly to whom he confessed his equal need for an old man in his life. He's never been with an old man. It's all fantasy so far, but the compulsion toward that kind of love is there.

The young lady professed to understand, he sees now, because she hoped in her heart that she would eventually become the only reality he would ever need, and his fantasies would fade away.

Clever woman! She was the first to discover that it would most likely never be that way. She broke off their relationship and went on her way. I admire her for making that important decision about her own life, as well as his. He would have hurt her, through no fault of his own. The reality of that OTHER sexual inclination could have stood between them all their lives.

He, in turn, is left with the same confusion that existed before. It is HER problem that seems to have been resolved, not his. He still has not had his "adventure" with an older man, and may never do so because, I suspect, it may trouble him that he might be "wholly gay." I believe he wants the life opportunity the "straight" world provides -- the children, his family's and society's acceptance -- and does not want to give it up without the possibility of finding a viable compromise.

My heart goes out to him, and to the already married man, but I don't believe there is a pat resolution in either case. Someone I know wanted me to come and live with his wife and children in the room downstairs and still be his love. Another man wanted me to come and live in the apartment UPstairs and be his love while his married OTHER lover, escaping two or three nights a week from the wife, remained ignorant of me. Everybody has his own fantasy of "working it out" even though the "solution" may be a fantasy in itself. That's just the way things are.

This is where the Silverfoxes Clubhouse comes in, and why I struggle so hard to keep it on-line. It costs money, and it takes my time. With the new Snooker Club at www.boxersfoxes.com, I have to work every waking hour seven days a week to keep them both afloat. But they are labors of love. I wouldn't have it any other way.

Why? Because of men like the two above, and like you, as well!

If the Silverfoxes Clubhouse and, now, the Snooker Club, weren't on the Web, there would be fewer bright spots for the thousands upon thousands of you who surf in every month and, for a few minutes at least, find a place to land and feed your dreams.