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Silverfoxesclub-digest
Tuesday, May 22 2001
Volume 01 : Number 246

In this issue:

-Humor: when you think your day is bad!
-Re: "The Amarna Secret" completed!
-Humor: Things You Would Never Hear A Hillbilly Say

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From: TruthBear@aol.com
Subject: Humor: when you think your day is bad!

This came to me from a friend. I thought you all might like it just to use as a comparison to your own "bad days"!

Love the list, thanks, Ben.

Bob
True Story:

Brian is a commercial saturation diver for Global Divers out of Louisiana and performs underwater repairs on offshore drilling rigs. Below is an e-mail he sent to his sister. She sent it to Laughline and won the contest (he wasn't thrilled with her for that one). Anyway, anytime you think you have had a bad day at the office, remember this guy.

April 1998

Hi Sue, Just another note from your bottom dwelling brother.

Last week I had a bad day at the office. I know you've been feeling down lately at work, so I thought I would share my dilemma with you to make you realize it's not so bad after all. Before I can tell you what happened, I must bore you with a few technicalities of my job.

This time of year the water is quite cool, even with a wetsuit. So what we do to keep warm is this. We have a diesel powered industrial water heater. This $20,000 piece of sh*t sucks the water out of the sea. It heats it to a delightful temp. It then pumps it down to the diver through a garden hose which is taped to the air hose.

Now this sounds like a damn good plan, and I've used it several times with no complaints. What I do when I get to the bottom and start working, is take the hose and stuff it down the back of my neck. This floods my whole suit with warm water. It's like working in a Jacuzzi.

Everything was going well until all of a sudden, my ass started to itch. So, of course, I scratched it. This only made things worse. Within a few seconds my ass started to burn. I pulled the hose out from my back, but the damage was done. In agony I realized what had happened. The hot water machine had sucked up a jellyfish and pumped it into my suit. This is worse than the poison ivy you once had under a cast. Now I had that hose down my back.

I don't have any hair on my back, so the jellyfish couldn't get stuck to my back. My ass crack was not as fortunate. When I scratched what I thought was an itch, I was actually grinding the jellyfish into my ass. I informed the dive supervisor of my dilemma over the communicator. His instructions were unclear due to the fact that he, along with 5 other divers, were laughing hysterically. Needless to say, I aborted the dive.

It totaled 35 minutes before I could come to the surface for decompression. I got to the surface wearing nothing but my brass helmet. My suit and >gear were tied to the bell. When I got on board, the medic, with tears of laughter running down his face, handed me a tube of cream and told me to shove it "up my ass" when I get in the chamber. The cream put the fire out, but I couldn't shit for two days because my asshole was swollen shut.

Anyway the next time you have a bad day at the office, think of me. Think how much worse your day would be if you were to shove a jellyfish up your ass. I hope you have no bad days at the office. But if you do, I hope this will make it more tolerable.
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From: "Bob Mac" bobmac2001@hotmail.com
Subject: Re: "The Amarna Secret" completed!

Dear Ben,
Thank you very much for the Amarna Secret. My two favourites - historical novel(la) and great sex in one luscious package. Like Boston Bill, I waited until the end and read it all through in one sitting. It kept me stimulated and erect throughout and brought a great deal more than a tear to one eye at least. I will read this one again and again.

Regards,
BobMac xxx
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From: orlando b elbaron1@yahoo.com
Subject: Humor: Things You Would Never Hear A Hillbilly Say

- -"I'll take Shakespeare for 1000, Alex"
- -Duct tape won't fix that
- -Lisa Marie was lucky to catch Michael
- -Come to think of it I'll have a Heineken's
- -We don't keep firearms in this house.
- -Has anybody seen the sideburn trimmer?
- -You can't feed that to the dog.
- -I thought Graceland was tacky.
- -No kids in the back of the pick-up, it's not safe.
- -Wrasslin's fake.
- -Honey, did you mail that donation to Greenpeace?
- -We're vegetarians.
- -Do you think my hair is too big?
- -I'll have grapefruit instead of biscuits and gravy.
- -Honey, these bonsai trees need watering?
- -Who's Richard Petty?
- -Give me the small bag of pork rinds.
- -Deer heads detract from the decor.
- -Spitting is such a nasty habit.
- -I just couldn't find a thing at Wal-Mart today.
- -Trim the fat off that steak.
- -Cappuccino tastes better than espresso.
- -The tires on that truck are too big.
- -I'll have the arugula and radicchio salad.
- -I've got it all on a floppy disk.
- -I'll have unsweetened tea.
- -Would you like your fish poached or broiled?
- -My fiance, Paula Jo, is registered at Tiffany's.
- -Little Debbie snack cakes have too many fatgrams.
- -Checkmate.
- -She's too old to be wearing that bikini.
- -Does the salad bar have bean sprouts?
- -Hey, here's an episode of "Hee Haw" that we haven't seen.
- -I don't have a favorite college team.
- -Be sure to bring my salad dressing on the side.
- -I believe you cooked those green beans too long.
- -Those shorts ought to be a little longer, Darla.
- -Elvis who?
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End of silverfoxesclub-digest V1 #246
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