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Silverfoxesclub-digest In this issue:
-Humor: Medical
---------------------------------------------------------------------- What the hell do you do for 7 hours waiting at the hospital? Next time you are in the hospital for that length of time with absolutely nothing to do...
1. Find a patient undergoing a sex change. Switch the placards with a
patient getting something like his tonsils removed.
Q. What does HMO stand for?
Q. Do all diagnostic procedures require pre-certification?
Q. I just joined a new HMO. How difficult will it be to choose the
doctor I want?
There is a reason why they classify you into the 3 K's ... But don't worry -- there is always one available qualified Doctor in every HMO who will see you, who is still in the plan and accepting new patients has an office just a half day's drive away!
Q. What are pre-existing conditions?
Q. Well, can I get coverage for my pre-existing conditions?
Q. What happens if I want to try alternative forms of medicine? Q. What costs are actually covered by my insurance?
Q. My pharmacy plan only covers generic drugs, but I need the name brand. I
tried the generic medication, but it gave me a stomach ache. What should I
do?
Q. I have an 80/20 plan with a $200 deductible and a $2,000 yearly cap. My
insurer reimbursed the doctor for my out-patient surgery, but I'd already
paid my bill. What should I do?
Q. What should I do if I get sick while traveling?
Q. No, I mean what if I'm away from home and I get sick?
Q. I think I need to see a specialist, but my doctor insists he can handle
my problem. Can a general practitioner really perform a heart transplant
right in his office?
Q. What accounts for the largest portion of health care costs?
Q. Will health care be any different ten years from now? The baby was delivered, the cord clamped and cut and handed to the pediatrician, who breathed and cried immediately. Exam of genitalia reveals that he is circus sized. The skin was moist and dry. Rectal exam revealed a normal size thyroid. She stated that she had been constipated for most of her life until 1989 when she got a divorce. Between you and me, we ought to be able to get this lady pregnant. The patient was in his usual state of good health until his airplane ran out of gas and crashed. I saw your patient today, who is still under our car for physical therapy. The patient lives at home with his mother, father, and pet turtle, who is presently enrolled in day care three times a week. Bleeding started in the rectal area and continued all the way to Los Angeles. Both breasts are equal and reactive to light and accommodation. She is numb from her toes down. Exam of genitalia was completely negative except for the right foot. While in the emergency room, she was examined, X-rated and sent home. The lab test indicated abnormal lover function. The patient was to have a bowel resection. However he took a job as a stockbroker instead. Occasional, constant, infrequent headaches. Coming from Detroit, this man has no children. Examination reveals a well-developed male lying in bed with his family in no distress. Patient was alert and unresponsive.
When she fainted, her eyes rolled around the room.
Lot of folks can't understand why we have an oil shortage in
the US.
There's a simple answer: The oil is in Oklahoma, Texas,
Louisiana,
Wyoming, etc. The dipsticks are in Washington, D.C.
"Instead of getting married again, I'm going to find a woman
I don't
like and just give her a house,"
"The problem with the designated driver program, it's not a
desirable
job. But if you ever get sucked into doing it, have fun with
it. At the
end of the night, drop them off at the wrong house."
"See, the problem is that God gives men a brain and a penis,
and only
enough blood to run one at a time."
"If a woman has to choose between catching a fly ball and
saving an
infant's life, she will choose to save the infant's life
without even
considering if there is a man on base."
"Relationships are hard. It's like a full time job, and we
should treat
it like one. If your boyfriend or girlfriend wants to leave
you, they
should give you two weeks' notice. There should be severance
pay, and
before they leave you, they should have to find you a temp."
"My Mom said she learned how to swim when someone took her
out in the
lake and threw her off the boat. I said, 'Mom, they weren't
trying to
teach you how to swim."
"A study in the Washington Post says that women have better
verbal
skills than men. I just want to say to the authors of that
study: Duh."
"Why does Sea World have a seafood restaurant?? I'm halfway
through my
fish burger and I realize, Oh my God.... I could be eating a
slow
learner."
"The day I worry about cleaning my house is the day Sears
comes out with
a riding vacuum cleaner."
"I think that's how Chicago got started. A bunch of people
in New York
said, 'Gee, I'm enjoying the crime and the poverty, but it
just isn't
cold enough. Let's go west.'"
"If life was fair, Elvis would be alive and all the
impersonators would
be dead."
"Sometimes I think war is God's way of teaching us
geography."
"My parents didn't want to move to Florida, but they turned
sixty, and
that's the law."
"In elementary school, in case of fire you have to line up
quietly in a
single file line from smallest to tallest. What is the
logic? Do tall
people burn slower?"
"Bigamy is having one wife too many. Monogamy is the same."
"Marriage is a great institution, but I'm not ready for an
institution
yet."
"Suppose you were an idiot... And suppose you were a member
of
Congress...But I repeat myself."
"Our bombs are smarter than the average high school student.
At least
they can find Kuwait."
"Ah, yes, divorce......., from the Latin word meaning to rip
out a man's
genitals through his wallet,"
"Women complain about premenstrual syndrome, but I think of
it as the
only time of the month that I can be myself."
"Women need a reason to have sex. Men just need a place."
"You can say any foolish thing to a dog, and the dog will
give you a
look that says, 'My God, you're right! I never would've
thought of
that!'"
"If you can't beat them, arrange to have them beaten."
"When I die, I want to die like my grandfather who died
peacefully in
his sleep. Not screaming like all the passengers in his
car." End of silverfoxesclub-digest V1 #269
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