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Silverfoxesclub-digest In this issue:
-Intergenerational Relationships (8)
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Hi Ben and the list,
This is MY response to his questions, so other silverfoxhunters may have different views. :-) Here we go: I don't mean to bother you. However, since you were kind enough to reply to my simple message I was wondering if I can ask you some questions. Interesting email from you, and it certainly isn't the first time someone has asked what exactly it is that attracts me to an older man. I'll do my best to answer. I am quite interested in the notion that there are younger men who are interested in older men. I'll do my best to answer your questions without being too analytical. It's also quite hard because it is just something that I take for granted. There doesn't seem to be any rhyme nor reason to it. It was also interesting for me in that when I was first attracted to older guys I thought I was the only person in the world like that. There was no internet, no older men mags like Chiron Rising, no big men mags like Bulk Male. No older men societies or big mens clubs either. Now it is a very different story. The internet in particular has opened up the world of older men lovers to a lot of people who never knew anything about it. Probably people like me who never went onto the scene because it was for younger 'twinkie' men, and if you were over 30 then you were past it. However, I then found out that there WERE places for older gay men and big gay men. Three years ago I took the plunge and went on the scene and got online. Now I have loads of gay friends and many all over the world. And these also include 'chasers/ foxhunters', people like me who like older/ bigger men. At the risk of being very personal, I was wondering what attracts you to the idea of older men. Many different things - it's very much a 'package', just because a guy looks right or is over a certain age does not automatically mean that I will be attracted to him. Personality and charisma are very, very important. Is it the age (maturity)? Yes, age is a big factor. I've 'experimented' in the past and have found that guys I really feel for and want to be with are over 50 years old. I have no upper limit, but do find that guys below 50 don't often have the same 'feel' (mentally and physically) and charisma as the older man. But this is MY tastes. Other older men fanciers like men in their 40's, some of my friends only like men over 60. There is no hard and fast rule as it is dependant on the individual. Is the look? Of course it is. I joke that men are like wine - the older they get the better they taste! I personally find grey/ silver/ white/ balding hair incredibly attractive along with laughter lines and the mature corpulent figure. It is very much an instinctive thing, a magnetism that draws me to the look of an older man. I can't force it, it just 'is'. I have always been attracted to older men, and even before puberty there was something that made me feel that way. Of course at such a young age it wasn't sexual, but it showed that I was gay and was attracted to older men. Bear in mind as well that I am a chubby chaser. I like big, chubby (some would say very fat) older men. Again, this just 'is'. I was always drawn to big men and no, I can't explain why. A bit like asking a straight guy why he goes for blondes, or that some go for orientals. We all have our own tastes. Is it the sense of financial stability? This to me is totally irrelevant. I like a guy for being him, not for how much money he has. I've been offered a VERY nice life by some wealthy men I have met, but if I don't fancy them then that means nothing to me. Mental stability is another matter. An older guy often has wisdom, maturity and experience. He doesn't need to prove himself like a headstrong youngster. This is something that I find very appealing. I'd rather a guy had a wealth of knowledge and experience than a wealth of finances. In fact, if I met a guy who was penniless but had the looks, physique, charisma and mindset then that would be all I would need from him. But just being older does not automatically give a guy maturity, something I am all too aware of from some of the men I have met.... Do you find that these kinds of relationships last very long? Yes. My first relationship was with a guy I met at 16 and he was 48. It lasted for nearly 8 years. Unfortunately I was made to feel that I had got too old for him, and many other factors that I won't go into here. It is sad, but it obviously wasn't working any more. Other intergenerational relationships tend to be more long term than those of the same age group. It's a two way thing, the younger man probably looks for mental and emotional stability, and the older men likes the enthusiam and energy of someone more youthfull. That compliments each other very well. I know this is very personal but I don't know that much about it. Not at all. Now all you have to do is tell me that you are the spitting image of Helmut Kohl or Ed Asner and that you want to have a relationship with me!!! Seriously, I hope that this helps you understand intergenerational relationships a bit more. Do bear in mind though that this is MY take on the subject. Someone else might have a very different perspective. Take care and enjoy the beginning of the new millennium. And you too. Have a great New Year!
Hugs, I enjoyed reading the message from Chas about his feelings toward inter generational relationships. I also have always been attracted to older men. No explanation necessary it is just the way it is. Now at fifty one I find myself in a somewhat different position, younger men are attracted to me. Unfortunately I am still attracted to older men. I was in a relationship with a man 19 years my senior for 20 years. Now I am in a relationship with a man 78 years old. The only thing that bothers me is the attitude that many people have towards these relationships. They often can't understand the idea of such a relationship and think of the younger as in it for the money. When I began this relationship a friend of my lover's said to me " he'll never recognize you in his will." I had never even considered his will and have always loved him just for the wonderful man he is. People just cannot believe that a 78 year old man could be a viable lover. I have an incredible sexy man who loves me. Here is a cute story the list should appreciate. My 78 year old companion went to our doctor who knows us both well. He asked how things were going and I the conversation went on to his sex life. The doctor asked if everything was "working" all right and how often he had sex. My companion responded "it is pretty good, but we only had sex twice today." My companion couldn't wait to tell me about the look on the doctors face. Now this is not sex where he is passive and I get my jollys. This is me giving him oral sex until he cums in my mouth. How lucky I am to have a 78 year old lover that can give me such a gift. The truth be told I can not get enough of this man! A few days later and another doctor appointment. My companion went in for his annual prostrate exam and had to give a urine sample. Well the urine had a unexpected protein in it. Well the doctor questioned it and my lover responded "could it be semen in my urine?" I had given him a blow job before the exam and must have left a bit unswallowed ... my fault. The doctor, slightly embarrassed, responded by saying "oh, you should act your age." I love to see my man so strong and proud. He walks with me at his side and knows that I am the best medicine for him. This was a bit self serving on my part. I just want everyone to know what a wonderful sex life we have together.
Tom
I loved your response as to what you see in older men, Chas. I am no where near a 'hunk', just an old man. And, it amazes me that so many younger men are interested in a person such as me. I am overweight, balding, and nothing special to look at. I go for the 'bear' type of guy and age is no big deal to me, except for twinks. I don't have much interest in them. Although I do prefer a certain type of man, nothing is set in stone. It's what is inside that matters to me. Since posting my profile, I have received quite a few responses from younger men. It baffles me as to why, but I sure am not complaining. This is my first posting to the group but I just wanted to thank Chas for clearing up some things for me. I still have questions about certain areas, but I am sure they will all be answered in time to come. Thank you, Ben, for doing such a great job with this site! It's a great way to learn what is going on out there. Again, thank you and a big thanks to all that have written to me. I love ya all!
VIC
Hi Ben and the list, Forgot to mention much about me when I sent in the piece about intergenerational relationships. I'm just in my thirties, and live in London in the UK. Have a profile in the Ben Boxers site under 'England', name is 'Chas'. Goes without saying that I am an admirer of older big guys like the lovely Ben Boxer!
Just in case some of you don't get this, the picture was taken at Madame Tussauds in London, and unfortunately that isn't the real Helmut Kohl standing next to me. If only he was real! And it also gives everyone a very good idea of what I like a guy to look like so any mirror images out there you can contact me :-))))) Wish they would bring genetic cloning forward by a few years, then I could have my very own Helmut made up! All I need is ONE hair of his! Anyone else have pics of them with celebrity silverfoxes (real or otherwise)? Wonder if anyone can make me jealous by showing the list a pic of them with the real Helmut Kohl or Ed Asner! Unfortunately Ed Asner doesn't have a wax work in Madame Tussauds London, but he damn well ought to! Anyway, hope this adds a bit of light hearted humour to the list :-)
Hugs to you all,
To my friends, the silverfoxes,and their chasers. I hope you do not mind yet another letter on the subject. I would like to tell you my story which is from the silverfoxes side. While young I had many encounters, few very satisfying, never anyone with whom I wished to have a permanent relationship On the one hand I was crazy about men and on the other just nothing worked out. I decided to get married and did it with much, much trepidation. It was a miserable marriage but it produced two handsome and very loving sons for me. I was a teacher and one day, as the new semester began, there was a very nice looking young man, in about his twenties, in class. He never took his eyes off from me. The following semester he was again in a class even though I knew that he did not need to take it. Eventually, he began talking to me which resulted one day in his coming to the house uninvited. We enjoyed his company and out of this formed a friendship between him and my family. About 12 years later, my wife went away for the summer and Bill came someday to invite me to go to church with him the following Sunday. I declined but invited him to dinner for Saturday night. After dinner we drove around and ended in a park. He stopped the car, and suddenly, reached over for me and kissed me. I was dumfounded. I could not believe that this was true. I was 18 years his senior. How could he love an old man? (I was 60) He assured me that he had no attraction for younger men. I was totally befuddled. I could not understand how a handsome man like he could want to be with older men. In the ensuing relationship I constantly wondered why this nice looking young man wanted to love and by loved by an older man. I came to the point where I thought that there was something wrong with him! The relationship ended after four years because of his extreme jealousy. My sons were grown and I wanted to escape from this prison, marriage! Eventually I divorced my wife, after 30 years of marriage and being a new grandfather! For years I was sexually inactive because I did not believe that anyone other than the previous lover, would want to have anything going with an older man. Not long ago, I placed a short notice in the Internet thinking that I might find someone with whom to correspond. Was I surprised by the number of letters I received, and that from all over the world. I was in a state of shock. Here were men of all ages who wrote telling me how much they liked older men! I began corresponding with many and had hardly any time but to write and answer the e-mail. One day I received an e-mail from a 20 year old young man, who happen to live close to where I live. He said that he had never had any sexual encounters with a man and would like to experience it and see how it was. He added that only an older man would be OK. I corresponded a little with him and then we made a date. I was to meet him in town. Imagine the trepidation, the excitement and also the anxiety, all rolled up in one. Was he good looking? Would he like me, a man 50 years his senior? When I finally met him I was more than surprised! He was unbelievably good looking. We went to a restaurant to eat and to get acquainted. The more I saw of him the more I got exited. Eventually we got to my house. I told him that I wanted him to have free choice. Since he had not seen me before I might not be what he expected, that he could chose between sleeping with me or in the guest room. He immediately chose with me. I am not exaggerating when I say that this was the most beautiful and sexy night I ever experienced in my life. The letters he wrote to me subsequently almost made me dizzy. He never, in his wildest dreams thought that having sex with a man was so beautiful and that kissing a man was exiting so full of pleasures. We have seen each other often since then and every time it was better. We could not believe how that would be possible. One day I sensed something. Since we vowed to always be truthful I asked him if he had met someone else. He said no at first and then explained that yes, he met someone he liked very much, but he had not been unfaithful to me. To make a short story still shorter, I explained to him that the other fellow who was only 18 year his senior and was a much better match than I was. He said no he would not leave me, but my response was that I would leave him. I felt that the other relationship was better. I love this young man so much that I only want what is best for him and I think that this other man is better for him than I. I still love him, and still adore him, and I am glad that he is in a better suiting relationship now. Also, I feel so much better about myself than in years. I know now, that there are large numbers of men out there who indeed like and old man like me.
I will never be alone again!
Wow, sounds like a carbon copy of the way I feel..I also am 30 years old and ONLY like men over the age of 50 (prefer 60+). I also like 'em chubby, prefer beards, but aren't mandatory. I especially like moustaches... I kinda find the "financial stability" thing a little unnerving sometimes because most people automatically assume that all old men are rich and that we who seek them out are after their money, like hustlers. My partner (59) and I aren't rich by any means, we are well off, but not rich. I am planning on attending college as soon as we get back to the states (presently stationed overseas) and whatever comes out of that, I'll be more than happy with. I couldn't imagine being single again and not having a good person to come home to every night. The #1 thing that matters to me is the way he is. If he wouldn't be the person he is, I wouldn't be with him. We both love each other very much and neither one of us could imagine not living with one another. I still have my "wandering eye" out there for other silverfoxes who enjoy having a younger man adore their bodies..What can I say? I have exquisite taste in men...And there are some real lookers on this list!
David
I thought Chas's post was wonderful. I wish we lived closer; he sounds like he'd be a wonderful friend for an older, heavy guy like me, but of course, then there's my being blind, which can change the equation! I love the profiles and am going to try to access them; it's been a while since I've tried! Ben, you do a superb, superb job!
Hugs,
either way....how about this big dad...I live in Philly and will be in UK inthe
spring....well..let me know..fondly big dad Mel
Hi everyone,I,m Barry from the UK,me too would like to know of the same
said calandar,me? 45yrs into silverfoxes and chubby polar bears,anyone
interested Barry
.. from portugal is goign to London next ,march and wante dto kno wif there are any polar bears around (preferably bottom) chunky chubby big cute funny :) that woudl like to kno wmore about me? ... email me :) my pics r waiting and my description
From Dr. Gladstone's column in The Advocate --
Inquirer:
Dr. Gladstone responds: If you remain impotent and medications (Viagra, prostaglandin injections) don't work, a prosthesis is probably your best option. It requires anesthesia, and the urologist hollows out the erectile tissue on either side of your penis to insert the prosthesis. There are basically two types prostheses available. A flexirod, which remains rigid at all times so your penis always appears hard. The other type of prosthesis is an inflatable chamber. A reservoir containing water and a pump are buried under your skin (thigh or lower abdomen) and connect to the prosthesis in your penis. When you want an erection, you press the pump and, voilá, you get hard. Most doctors feel that the inflatable prosthesis is preferable to the rigid model as it is more natural. The downside to a prosthesis is that it involves surgery, and there is a small risk of complications, including infection and bleeding. Once you have a prosthesis, there is no chance that other medications like Viagra or injections will work. Ask your doctor about these alternatives before resorting to a prosthesis.
If it turns out that a prosthesis is your only
option, it is still preferable to being impotent for
the rest of your life. You sound like a person for
whom sex is important, and if a prosthesis will
allow you to continue to enjoy this aspect of your
life, then go for it. It is a decision that should not
be made lightly and only with the advice of a
urologist who will do the surgery.
If sex is important to you, and you have localized prostate cancer, and if the urologist says that surgery alone will probably cure it, seriously look into the implantation of radioactive seeds instead. The 15 year mortality and morbidity statistics are in and it is just as succesesful. The incidenced of incontinacne is minimal. Most important, you will be able to get it up. Viagra will work if you can't, which it often does not after surgery.
Keep this in mind, because at least half of us will be diagnosed with
prostate cancer while we are still sexually active. And although an aging
wife might be "understanding" about a limp member, your buddy will be
"understanding" but may well seek harder pastures for play.
Ben Boxer notes: We have at least one member in the British Virgin Islands. He has a Profile on the site. We celebrate with you today, Island Guy!
Headline:
Text: London's move angered religious leaders who say homosexuality is immoral and goes against the grain of the deeply religious and socially conservative islands. The order from the British Privy Council, which acts as the highest court for the territories, decriminalizes homosexual acts between consenting adults in private. The order went into effect this week and applies to Anguilla, the Cayman Islands, the British Virgin Islands, Montserrat and the Turks and Caicos. Britain's government said the anti-gay laws violate international human rights agreements it has signed.
Britain had attempted for years to persuade
local politicians to repeal the laws in island
legislatures.
------------------------------ End of silverfoxesclub-digest V1 #101
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Thought as well that you might like to see the attached pic of me with
my new boyfriend. He's really cute, but a bit lifeless at times. He
also tends to go all gooey when he gets warm, and I have to keep him
in the fridge to keep his looks. His cock also literally melts in my
mouth!