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Silverfoxesclub-digest
Sunday, February 25 2001
Volume 01 : Number 152

In this issue:

-Humor: A few jokes
-Humor: You Might Be From A Small Town If....

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From: "Dennis O" irishbear@hotmail.com
Subject: Humor: A few jokes

Just a few jokes to share with the guys on the list.

When do I start my job? (Rated PG)

Boudreaux went into the fish market to apply for a job. The boss thought to himself - I'm not hiring that lazy Cajun, so he decided to set a test for Boudreaux hoping he wouldn't be able to answer the questions and he'd be able to refuse him the job without getting into an argument.

The first question was, "Without using numbers, represent the number 9."

Boudreaux says, "Dat's easy" and proceeds to draw three trees.

The boss says, "What in the world is that?"

Boudreaux says, "Tree 'n tree 'n tree makes nine."

"Fair enough" says the boss. "Second questions, same rules, but represent 99".

Boudreaux stares into space for a while, then makes a smudge on each tree.

"Der ya go sir," he says.

The boss scratches his head and asks, "How on earth do you get that to represent 99?"

Boudreaux answers, "Each tree is dirty now, so it's dirty tree 'n dirty tree 'n dirty tree - dat 99."

The boss is getting worried he's going to have to hire Boudreaux so he says, "All right, question number 3. Same rules again, but this time represent the number 100."

Boudreaux stares into space again, then he shouts, "I got it!" He makes a little mark at the base of each tree and says, "Der ya go sir - 100."

The boss looks at Boudreaux's attempt and thinks, "Ha! got him this time." He then tells Boudreaux, "Go on, Boudreaux, you must be crazy if you think that represents a 100."

Boudreaux leans forward and points to the little marks at the tree bases and says, "A little dog comes along and craps by each tree, so now ya got dirty tree an' a turd, dirty tree an' a turd, and dirty tree an' a turd, which makes 100. When do I start my job?"

(Dat joke was not intended to offend anyone, even from da south.)

Quickies - Rated G

Marriage is a 3-ring circus:
Engagement ring, wedding ring, and suffering.

Joe and salesman - Rated R

Joe was moderately successful in his career, but as he got older he was increasingly hampered by terrible headaches. When his personal hygiene and love life started to suffer, he sought medical help.

After being referred from one specialist to another, he finally came across a doctor who solved the problem. "The good news is I can cure your headaches. The bad news is that it will require castration. You have a very rare condition which causes your testicles to press up against the base of your spine. The pressure creates one hell of a headache. The only way to relieve the pressure is to remove the testicles."

Joe was shocked and depressed. He wondered if he had anything to live for. He couldn't concentrate long enough to answer, but decided he had no choice but to go under the knife.

When he left the hospital, his mind was clear, but he felt like he was missing an important part of himself. As he walked down the street, he realized that he felt like a different person. He could make a new beginning and live a new life.

He walked past a men's clothing store and thought, "That's what I need, a new suit." He entered the shop and told the salesman, "I'd like a new suit."

The salesman eyed him briefly and said, "Let's see... size 44 long."

Joe laughed, "That's right, how did you know?"

"It's my job."

Joe tried on the suit. It fit perfectly. As Joe admired himself in the mirror, the salesman asked, "How about a new shirt?"

Joe thought for a moment and then said, "Sure!"

The salesman eyed Joe and said, "Let's see,... 34 sleeve and... 16 and a half neck."

Joe was surprised, "That's right, how did you know?"

"It's my job."

Joe tried on the shirt, and it fit perfectly. As Joe adjusted the collar in the mirror, the salesman asked, "How about new shoes?"

Joe was on a roll and said, "Sure!"

The salesman eyed Joe's feet and said, "Let's see...9 and a half wide."

Joe was astonished, "That's right, how did you know?"

"It's my job."

Joe tried on the shoes and they fit perfectly. Joe walked comfortably around the shop and the salesman asked, "How about a new hat?"

Without hesitating, Joe said, "Sure!"

The salesman eyed Joe's head and said, "Let's see. . . 7 5/8."

Joe was incredulous, "That's right, how did you know?"

"It's my job."

The hat fit perfectly. Joe was feeling great, when the salesman asked, "How about some new underwear?"

Joe thought for a second and said, "Sure!"

The salesman stepped back, eyed Joe's waist and said, "Let's see... size 36."

Joe laughed, "No, I've worn size 34 since I was 18 years old."

The salesman shook his head and said, "You can't wear a size 34. It would press your testicles up against the base of your spine and give you one hell of a headache!"

Note: A second opinion is sometimes helpful.
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From: "luvhog" luvhog@ameritech.net
Subject: Humor: You Might Be From A Small Town If....

o You can name everyone you graduated with.
o You know what 4-H is.
o You ever went to parties at a pasture, barn, or in the middle of a dirt road.
o You used to drag "main."
o You said the 'f' word and your parents knew within the hour.
o You schedule parties around the schedule of different police officers, since you know which ones would bust you and which ones wouldn't (same goes with the game warden)
o You ever went cow-tipping or snipe hunting
o You could never buy cigarettes because all the store clerks knew how old you were (and if you were old they'd tell your parents anyhow).
o When you did find someone old enough and brave enough to buy cigarettes, you still had to go out to the country and drive on back roads to smoke them.
o You have ever gone home for Homecoming.
o It was cool to date someone from the neighboring town.
o You had senior skip day.
o The whole school went to the same party after graduation.
o You don't give directions by street names or directions by references (turn by Nelson's house, go two blocks east Anderson's, and it's four houses left of the track field).
o You can't help but date a friend's ex-girlfriend(or boyfriend).
o Your car stays filthy because of the dirt roads, and you will never own a dark vehicle for this reason.
o You think kids that ride skateboards are weird.
o The town next to you is considered "trashy" or "snooty", but is actually just like your town.
o You refer to anyone with a house newer than 1980 as the "rich people."
o The people in the city dress funny, then you pick- up on the trend two years later.
o You bragged to your friends because you got pipes on your truck for your birthday.
o Anyone you want can be found at either the Dairy Queen or the feed store.
o You see at least one friend a week driving a tractor through town.
o Football coaches suggest that you haul hay for the summer to get stronger.
o Directions are given using "the" stop light as a reference.
o Your letter jacket was worn after your 19th birthday.
o You have ever taken a trailer or dog to school on a daily basis.
o Weekend excitement involves a trip to a Wal-Mart.
o Even the ugly people enter beauty pageants.
o You decide to walk somewhere for exercise and 5 people pull over and ask if you need a ride.
o Your teachers call you by your older siblings names.
o Your teachers remember when they taught your parents.
o You can charge at all the local stores.
o The closest McDonald's is 45 miles away.
o So is the closest mall.
o It is normal to see an old man driving through town on a riding lawnmower.
o You laugh your head off reading this because you know they're all true and forward it to everyone who lives in your town!
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End of silverfoxesclub-digest V1 #152
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